4 Myths About Being A Great Speaker
Hi lovely one,
I want to dive deeper into my Soulful Speaking Method with you in this post.
Just to remind you of what that is, I teach and share that speaking mastery is a combination of working on mindset + meaning + method.
You can read more about my overall approach here .
Now I like to keep things simple. Reallllly simple. In fact, simplicity is one of my own core values and that of my family. Simple here means starting with the first ‘M’ – mindset.
Is there any better place to start, really?
Whether you are a change-maker, teacher, or leader in life or business – a strong mindset is going to be the very best preparation for improving your public speaking mastery and your confidence.
Mindset
What do I mean by mindset?
Mindset is all about how you think, what you believe and how you control those thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve you. Public speaking is not only about confidence, but about visibility and a deep sense of knowing that you belong on that stage/in that board room/on that video screen.
We so often self-sabotage our own success and happiness simply because stories we have about ourselves and our life/work show up and make us believe any number of things:
“I’m not good enough”
“I don’t know enough”
“No one will listen to what I have to say”
… and any version of that, that suits your situation. Sound familiar?
What comes up for you when I tell you that no matter who you are or what you do, you have something important and worthwhile to share? Does that feel uncomfortable? How does that land in your heart… and in your head?
If we have stories around being an imposter, about not being good enough, around not being the right kind of speaker, then we’re going to shut ourselves down, keep ourselves small, and not share our brilliance and magic with the world.
A lot of the work to be done here is around mindset.
That feeling that you deserve to share your message with the world.
Mindset is multi-faceted.
For now, I want to bust some of the myths that are out there about being a ‘good speaker’.
Anyone who tells you that these are ‘rules’, needs to really look at their own beliefs about speaking.
These are not exhaustive, but some of the most common stories people tell themselves to keep themselves small. Reframing these ‘beliefs’ will play into strengthening your mindset, and you need that to be strong to feel more confident as a speaker.
Ok, let’s get started!
Myth #1: That you must be extroverted/loud/an outwardly confident person to be a great speaker.
Okay, lovely one – this is just downright not true.
We know that there are so many great speakers in the world of all backgrounds with diversity in just about everything you can imagine. Personality type, and where they sit on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, is one of them.
If someone is loud and overtly confident, then sure, that might impress upon you a feeling of confidence in their message. No one should be whispering on stage.
But have you ever seen someone who is more quietly confident? Someone who you might describe as ‘self-assured’, introverted? Those kinds of speakers often have me hanging on their every word because I know that their words have true meaning. Some of the best speakers I’ve ever seen speak in this way. They exude confidence in a way that is totally different from a louder, more extroverted personality. They elevate their volume by using microphones or just having a great sense of connection with the audience so that the noise outside of them dies down and people lean in to listen.
There is no one kind of best speaker or speaker type. The best kind of speaking style for you is one that is a natural extension of who you are, and the style that allows you to get your meaningful messages out to the world in a way that feels connected – for you, and for your audience.
Myth #2: Great speakers don’t get nervous.
Now I don’t usually get nervous when I speak these days. I’ve been working on this as my craft and as my job/business for over a decade. But sometimes the nerves still creep in, and heck, I’m a great speaker 😉! Usually, nerves happen for me when my presentation is important, or I’m riding on the outcome being great or I don’t know enough about the situation I’m walking and talking my way into.
Working on your public speaking confidence is not going to cure you of all nerves… forever. If you work with me, or on your own public speaking skills, I’m not saying you’ll not ever feel nervous again. But you can develop strategies to help you if (and when!) that happens, and you’ll feel more confident going into the presentation or speech.
Did you know that the feeling that we get in our bodies of nervousness is actually very similar to the feeling of excitement? Have you noticed?
That bubbling in the tummy. Sometimes a quickening of your breath. Clammy palms.
There are a lot of ways that we can control our nerves from our body in terms of breath and posture.
But included in those ways is changing our relationship with nerves. Not creating a ‘story’ or emotion around the nerves, so that we’re not angry at ourselves for being nervous, or nervous about the nervousness – around and around we go! Can you relate?
If we accept that nerves happen, that they’re normal for many or most speakers at any point in time, then we can banish the story around not being a great speaker. Because great speakers DO get nervous sometimes. Don’t make it any bigger than that. Don’t buy into the myth or perpetuate that belief in yourself not being part of the ‘good speakers club’. Because that story or that belief can actually make it worse!
If we believe that a great speaker is only one who doesn’t get nervous and with feeling that sense of nervousness, then what are we telling ourselves about whether we are a great speaker or not? It's certainly not the right message to make you feel confident and to make you feel more self-assured when you’re going forward to share your message in a public way. Great speakers do still get nervous.
Myth #3: Body language matters more than what you say
For many years, speaker coaches and presenters have told you that body language is allll important. I’m not here to say that it’s not important to an extent (and it does help you to connect with your audience), I’m just here to say that it isn’t the MOST important thing when it comes to a great presentation. Lots of people will tell you that you should use your hands when you speak – not too much, but not too little. They talk about gestures with your face, your eyes, whether to walk around the stage or not – you name it, there are many, many ‘rules’ around how you should use your body when it comes to public speaking.
Your body language should mirror what you’re saying. If you’re talking about a passionate subject but your voice doesn’t change, then it will be hard for the audience to connect with you and your message. If you’re telling a story about a time that made you happy, but you’re frowning -then your body language WILL be speaking volumes: it’ll be saying the opposite of what your words are!
One thing I know for certain – the way you naturally move your hands and body is likely going to be the best fit for you on stage, in a presentation or on the screen, provided it doesn’t contradict your words. There may be exceptions for certain movements, sure. But overall, I am not going to tell you to focus on moving your hands awkwardly X number of times per minute, when I do want you to be focusing on connecting with the audience and your message. What’s going to make you feel more nervous? Counting hand gestures that feel strange to you as it is? Or letting your body move the way that it wants to?
So to recap - your words will mean more than your body language unless your body language is contradicting what you have to say.
Myth #4: Your first impression is the impression that lasts longest
This myth might be structured in several ways, but really, it’s about how you kick off your speech or your presentation. If you wobble, if your hands are shaking, if you stand stiffly behind the podium – this myth perpetuates the belief that you can’t recover or improve as the speech or presentation goes on.
Well, that’s absolutely rubbish if you ask me!
The beginning of a speech, lecture, or presentation is usually the time when you’re the most nervous. Sometimes it takes us a little while to settle into our surroundings, get familiar with our audience and realise that this isn’t as bad as we first thought. That our audience is human – and that they’re not waiting for us to fail.
We can acknowledge tripping over our words and technology failures, and the good news is, we can always recover! First impressions counting more than anything is a cliché that maybe apply in some areas of your life, but in my honest opinion, it doesn’t belong in the public speaking world and it doesn’t apply to meeting new people either (because we don’t always show our best self, first!).
So, if nervous and shaky first impressions don’t count for everything, what does?
Your message, and how you connect to the audience.
You can always recover by increasing your confidence as you go along.
Speaking, for me, and for my clients, is about connection. We connect with people when we feel comfortable, when we deeply understand and have mastery over our message, when we fight against the beliefs and stories that we have as a speaker and about being visible and being the expert and not being an imposter and when we have a structure to what we’re saying that supports communication in that way.
These are just four of many myths that exist in the public speaking world. Dispelling these myths and believing the truthful reframe is actually one of the greatest mindset shifts you can make if you want to feel more confident when it comes to public speaking.
I believe in you and you deserve to have your ideas and magic out in the world, so speak up.